2.19.2008

preparing for the inevitable zombie menace

Sure you know it and I know it, even if we don't like to admit it. The armies of the undead won't care if you're having a bad day, or you've got a cold, or a hangover, or a really hectic day ahead of you. When the dead walk the earth you'd best count yourself among the prepared or you'll soon count yourself among the shuffling hordes.

Having recently picked up the tabletop game Zombies!!! for my brothers birthday I've been on full watch while traveling the cities subways, and side streets. With zombies on the brain you'd think I'd have found this detailed Zombies In Plain English introductory guide ages ago, but I just happened on it this morning. If only the poor zombified souls who now lust for brains and human flesh had watched this video, we might not have to cleave them to bits today!





Having seen the harrowing truth, you may wish to outfit your home with some of the anti-zombie technologies which have become available. A fully guaranteed zombie alarm perhaps? Or for the more hands on survivors among you maybe one of the many full out zombie survival kits?

At the very least as a proud member of the living you must keep yourself informed and maintain a constant state of readiness. As the author of The Zombie Survival Guide says, "Organize before they rise". Some printed information cards from this Emergency Zombie Defense Station could be vital if stored in a glove box, near the garden tools, or posted clearly near your childrens rooms. Remember, an uninformed child might well be a zombie child.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL, found you through googling Toronto zombies defence.

Join;
http://community.livejournal.com/zombie_survival/

Also based on the book by Max Brooks.

My plan if the unthinkable happens; run to people who have guns and hope they'll be neighboury;

http://maps.google.ca/maps?f=l&hl=en&geocode=&q=gun&near=Toronto&ie=UTF8&ll=43.687239,-79.379311&spn=0.108988,0.232773&z=12

- MG

Anonymous said...

This is my favourite post you've ever written. Very funny.

"Remember, an uninformed child might well be a zombie child." Classic.

Anonymous said...

Actually, zombies CAN swim. They move very slowly, at the bottom of the body of whatever water you are in. Because they don't need air, this is the explanation for how swimming, or traveling with a boat can be dangerous.

Unknown said...

Too true, Land of the Dead had underwater Zombies! I think this calls for a surfer beach bikini zombie film ...